A Restaurant Experience to Remember/Forget

Before tonight’s performance of ‘Mommy Queerest’, Judy Gold’s one woman show, at Theater J, we stopped for supper at the DCJCC’s cafe for supper. The conversation with the waitress went something like this:

Wife: I’ll have the lentil soup and the baby spinach salad.
Me: I’ll have the tilapia.
Waitress: Oh, tonight, we don’t have any lentil soup, and we don’t have any spinach, and we’re out of tilapia.

Wife: Let me see the menu again.
Me: OK, I’ll take the salmon.
Waitress: And we have no salmon.

Me: Why don’t you give us whatever you have?
Waitress: We have everything else.

Me: OK, I’ll take the Caesar salad with chicken.
Waitress: We have no chicken, either?

Me: No chicken sandwich or chicken salad either?
Waitress: No, but we have everything else.

We wound up each with a cold turkey sandwich and french fries.

At the next table, a woman was served a salad with chicken. She said to the waitress: I have a friend who will be here in about 15 minutes. She wants this same salad with chicken. And, about ten minutes later, the salad appears.

Me: I thought you said there was no chicken, but you just put chicken on the next table.
Waitress: That’s the last of the chicken. She ordered it for a friend.
Me: I know. I heard her. She ordered after you told us that you didn’t have any chicken.
Waitress: She ordered it for her friend
Me: Ok, Ok.

We eat our sandwiches.

Manager: How was everything?
Me: The sandwich was OK, but you were out of everything.
Manager: I know. We had a problem with the gas line this morning; they are supposed to fix it tomorrow. We couldn’t cook anything. Only cold things. We couldn’t even make burgers or french fries.
Me: But we had french fries. And I saw you serving burgers.
Manager: That’s because I made them at our other restaurant and brought them over.
Me: Well, we had ordered lentil soup, and you were out of that.
Manager: We decided to have chili instead [lentil soup is on the regular menu]
Me: And you had no fish.
Manager: Because of the gas line.
Me: And no chicken.
Manager: We have chicken. We don’t have the half chicken, but we have the grilled chicken for salads and sandwiches.
Me: What? The waitress told us you had no chicken.
Manager: Well, maybe we ran out. I don’t know. Maybe she was right.

Manager: You know, I just lose money when this happens. I’m not happy. Do you want a desert on the house?
We: No, thanks, just the check.

The theater was filled to the brim, it appeared, and the audience (with few exceptions) loved Judy Gold. We were two of the exceptions. The show is a 75 minute stand up comic routine of Judy’s life, as a 6’3″ Jewish Lesbian mother of two. I thought she had a good delivery (she was not offensive like the previous Theater J one woman show by Sandra Bernhard), but I just didn’t think that anything she said was funny. But to repeat – the audience loved her, and laughed and laughed. And the reviews have all been positive, so who am I to say?

Now, a lot of her show was based on illusions to TV sit-coms and I have to admit that, other than “All in the Family” and “Golden Girls”, I had not ever seen any of the sit-coms. I have never seen Gilligan’s Island, the Brady Bunch, Seinfeld, Mash, or any of the others. I guess that put me clearly in the minority, and made me feel more like an outsider than I would have if I had been a 6’3″ Jewish Lesbian mother of two.

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