Sometimes, you have to smile (57 cents)

Sometimes, looking at a newspaper, in spite of the sadness articulated in every article, you can’t help but smile. Today, was one of those times. Looking at this morning’s Examiner, I noted the following:

1. A lieutenant in the DC Fire Department has been returned to duty, even though her criminal case is still pending and scheduled to go to trial in October. Her crime? She took a truck and a chain, pulled a door off of a barn, and stole five bales of hay. The hay was worth $106. She apparently had a problem with the owner of the barn, with whom she had previously boarded a horse, but who had evicted the horse last year.

2. I saw that there is under consideration a 500 mile “rapid transit” project which would traverse the entire region from Frederick MD to Prince William County VA, mostly using HOT lanes on existing highways. Didn’t sound very exciting to me, but I wondered why I had not heard about it before. Still not sure about that, but I lost interest when the article said, assuming no delays, the entire network could be operable within thirty years.

3. It’s true that, from time to time, Metro stations do smell like dirty fish. The article, called “The Mystery Continues Around Metro’s Stinky Stations”, runs for 16 paragraphs. The first 14 paragraphs tell about all the false guesses in trying to figure out the source of the smells. The last two articles tell you that they have discovered that it comes from new brake pads. Two questions: isn’t it a rule of journalism that the most important part of the article should be at the front, and not the end, of the article? And, second, why didn’t the headline editor read paragraphs 15 and 16?

4. Bashir Assad, Syria’s probably soon to be ousted dictator, told a Vogue writer that he became an ophthamologist because “it is very precise, and there is very little blood”. Can this be true? I thought he was a vampire wannabe.

5. At a “seersucker party” at the Occidental Grill, former Sen. Trent Lott spoke to the “handful of people” who showed up on the “history of seersucker”. Hmm, I wonder why more people didn’t come…..

6. A man being sought in a robbery/murder in an Arlington jewelry store was wearing a neon-colored vest. One of my favorite colors.

7. Charlie Sheen said that “I am not insane anymore”. (Hasn’t he said that before?)

8. And then there was the headline: “Congress expected to do little in time it has left.” And in the article, a statement that Harry’ Reid’s goal for September is to have the Nats win the World Series. (That goal is probably more than the Republicans have. Other than the obvious.)

9. There was a vote in Romania to impeach the President, and its supporters won, but the President has said that the vote doesn’t count because not enough people voted.

10. What is really going on in Syria? According to the Syrian foreign minister, “Israel is the mastermind of all in this crisis”. (That is what I always assumed)

And so it goes……….

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